When Letting Go Is Healthy: The Psychology of Abandoning Goals

Modern workplaces celebrate perseverance and grit. From staying late to finishing projects against the odds, employees are often told that giving up is failure. Emerging psychological research tells a different story: knowing when to abandon a goal can be just as important as pursuing one. Letting go is not a sign of weakness, it is an adaptive skill linked to reduced stress, improved wellbeing, and better long-term performance.

Why Abandoning Goals Matters

Goals act as cognitive roadmaps, helping people direct attention, effort, and persistence (Carver & Scheier, 1998). Yet when a goal becomes unattainable, continuing to push forward can lead to emotional exhaustion, burnout, and rumination (Wrosch et al., 2003). Research shows that individuals who can disengage from unattainable goals and re-engage with new, achievable ones report:

• Lower depressive symptoms (Wrosch et al., 2003)
• Reduced stress and emotional exhaustion (Wrosch et al., 2013)
• Better physical health markers such as lower blood pressure and improved immune function (Nagin & Wrosch, 2023)
• Higher life satisfaction and purpose (Ntoumanis et al., 2014)

In workplaces with rapid change, evolving roles, or shifting priorities, the ability to assess and release outdated goals is a valuable skill that supports both personal and organisational growth.

Emotional Barriers to Letting Go

Despite the benefits, letting go can feel counterintuitive. Common barriers include:

1. Identity Investment

When goals are tied to personal or professional identity, letting go feels like a loss of self (Oyserman & James, 2011). For example, a high-performing employee may define themselves as the “go-to problem solver,” making it hard to drop an unattainable project.

2. Sunk-Cost Fallacy

People often continue investing time, money, and effort into failing goals to justify past decisions (Arkes & Blumer, 1985).

3. Social and Workplace Pressure

Organisational cultures that reward grit over flexibility discourage strategic disengagement. Fear of judgment can trap employees in unproductive pursuits (Vough et al., 2017).

4. Fear of Uncertainty

An abandoned goal leaves a void. Many people cling to the goal, even unsuccessfully, to maintain a sense of control (Carver & Scheier, 1998).

When Disengaging Becomes Adaptive

Letting go becomes beneficial when:

• A goal is objectively unattainable despite sustained effort
• Pursuit harms wellbeing, causing stress, anxiety, or physical fatigue
• Life circumstances change, making the goal less relevant
• Opportunity costs outweigh benefits, e.g., focusing on unachievable goals prevents new opportunities
• New information renders the goal irrelevant or obsolete

Research indicates that the combination of goal disengagement and goal re-engagement predicts better mental health and life satisfaction than persistence alone (Wrosch et al., 2003; Ntoumanis et al., 2014).

Practical Strategies for Employees

1. Reflect with “If–Then” Questions

Ask yourself: “If I continue pursuing this goal for six more months, then what outcomes can I realistically expect?”
This helps separate emotion from rational decision-making.

2. Shift from Outcome Goals to Process Goals

Focus on behaviors you can control (e.g., daily work habits, skills development) rather than rigid outcomes (Latham & Locke, 2006). This reduces emotional attachment to the end goal.

3. Reframe the Narrative

Replace “I failed” with “This goal no longer serves me, and I am choosing a better path.” Self-compassion supports psychological resilience.

4. Engage in Meaning-Making

Use reflection or journaling to extract lessons and insights from the abandoned goal. This transforms perceived failure into growth (Heckhausen et al., 2010).

5. Seek Support

Talk with mentors, colleagues, or coaches. Sharing the reasoning behind disengagement reduces guilt and reinforces adaptive decision-making.

Strategies for Organisations

1. Embed Psychological Safety

Encourage discussions around goal relevance and progress without punitive consequences (Edmondson, 1999).

2. Reward Adaptability

Recognise and highlight employees who pivot strategically, demonstrating innovation and resilience.

3. Structured Goal Reviews

Quarterly or project-based check-ins help staff evaluate goal feasibility and alignment with organisational priorities.

4. Train Leaders in Motivational Science

Understanding self-regulation theory equips managers to support employees in adjusting or abandoning goals without stigma.

Taking the Next Step

Abandoning a goal is not a step backward. It is strategic self-management. Employees who practice goal disengagement alongside goal re-engagement demonstrate better mental health, higher life satisfaction, and stronger professional performance. Organisations that normalise and support flexible goal strategies create healthier, more adaptive, and more innovative workplaces. Letting go is not failure; it’s a deliberate step toward what’s next.

Are you holding onto goals that no longer serve you? Take some time this week to reflect on one goal that might be draining your energy or focus. Ask yourself:

• Is this goal still realistic or achievable?
• Does it fit with my current priorities and values?
• What opportunities could open up if I let it go?

At the 11th hour clinic, we support employees and teams to navigate goal changes confidently, improve wellbeing, and build resilience.

Contact us today to explore strategies for letting go and focusing on the goals that truly matter.

References

Arkes, H. R., & Blumer, C. (1985). The psychology of sunk cost. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 35(1), 124–140.

Carver, C. S., & Scheier, M. F. (1998). On the self‑regulation of behavior. Cambridge University Press.

Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383.

Heckhausen, J., Wrosch, C., & Schulz, R. (2010). A motivational theory of life‑span development. Psychological Review, 117(1), 32–60.

Latham, G. P., & Locke, E. A. (2006). Enhancing the benefits and overcoming the pitfalls of goal setting. Organizational Dynamics, 35(4), 332–340.

Nagin, D. S., & Wrosch, C. (2023). Goal disengagement and health: A review and future directions. Health Psychology Review, 17(4), 723–745.

Ntoumanis, N., Healy, L. C., Sedikides, C., & Duda, J. L. (2014). Self‑regulatory processes among individuals with obesity. Health Psychology, 33(10), 1209–1219.

Oyserman, D., & James, L. (2011). Possible identities. In S. J. Schwartz et al. (Eds.), Handbook of Identity Theory and Research (pp. 117–145). Springer.

Vough, H. C., Bataille, C. D., Noh, S., & Lee, M. D. (2017). Going off script: Employee goal disengagement and identity. Academy of Management Review, 42(3), 446–471.

Wrosch, C., Scheier, M. F., Carver, C. S., & Schulz, R. (2003). The importance of goal disengagement and goal reengagement. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(5), 941–953.

Wrosch, C., Miller, G. E., & Scheier, M. F. (2013). Adaptive self‑regulation of unattainable goals. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 7(12), 847–860.