Somewhere, There’s a Man With a Spreadsheet Deciding Your Size

Last week, in a women’s clothing store, a retail worker said something that landed with uncomfortable clarity:

“Somewhere, there’s a man out there with a spreadsheet deciding what dress size you wear.”

She wasn’t talking about vanity. She was talking about power. About how women are still expected to make their bodies adapt to systems that were never designed with real bodies in mind. That comment resonates because many women know the experience: clothes that don’t fit well trigger internal self‑criticism rather than questioning the system that produced the sizing in the first place.

Clothes That Don’t Fit Are Not Just “Aesthetic”

In qualitative research involving women aged 18–45, participants described how dress fit and size labels were closely tied to their body confidence and self‑image. Women used well‑fitting clothes to increase confidence or obscure parts of their bodies they perceived as flaws, highlighting that ill‑fit often translated into negative feelings about their bodies (Grogan, Gill, Brownbridge, Kilgariff, & Whalley, 2013).

The way women choose clothing also reflects deeper psychological processes. A study of female undergraduate students found that those with higher levels of self‑objectification, the tendency to view oneself from an observer’s perspective, were more likely to choose clothes for appearance (fashion) rather than comfort, and women who perceived themselves as heavier tended to choose clothing to camouflage their bodies (Tiggemann & Andrew, 2012).

These findings indicate that clothing choice isn’t incidental; it is intertwined with how women manage their body image in everyday life, often reinforcing external ideals about what bodies should look like.

Why Fit Feels Personal

When clothing doesn’t fit, many women don’t just feel uncomfortable physically, they feel judged psychologically. Poor fit can activate body surveillance and dissatisfaction, reinforcing the notion that the wearer is the “problem” rather than the design or system (Tiggemann & Andrew, 2012).

Other research on clothing and body image supports this idea: women use clothing strategically to manage anxiety about their bodies. For example, choosing garments that hide perceived “problem areas” and accentuate preferred features (Frith & Gleeson, 2008). This pattern of self‑monitoring, constantly checking how clothing “looks” or “fits”, mirrors broader cultural pressures on women’s bodies, where social norms about slenderness and appearance are pervasive.

From the Dressing Room to Daily Life

What happens in clothing stores reflects broader systemic expectations.

In workplaces and institutions, systems are often designed around narrow assumptions. About productivity, time availability, career paths, and cognitive capacity. When people struggle to meet these arbitrary benchmarks, the response is often personal optimisation (work harder, be more resilient), rather than questioning whether the system itself is exclusionary or harmful.

When the Strain Becomes Internalised

Repeatedly adjusting yourself to fit systems, whether garments, workplace expectations, or social norms, has cumulative psychological effects. Studies on self-objectification and body surveillance show that women who constantly monitor and modify their bodies experience higher levels of anxiety, stress, and depressive symptoms (Tiggemann & Slater, 2014). This pattern mirrors workplace research: when individuals are forced to continually adapt to rigid systems without flexibility or recognition, the burden is internalised, leading to burnout, disengagement, and a persistent sense of inadequacy (Maslach & Leiter, 2016). The lesson is clear: strain is often a reflection of the system, not the individual, and recognising this distinction is the first step toward self-compassion and systemic change.

Reframing the Problem

If you’ve ever walked out of a fitting room feeling like you were the problem, research suggests the issue isn’t you. It’s the system of sizing and evaluation that anchors self‑judgement in a number. Clothing isn’t just fabric and fit; it’s a social dialogue about bodies and worth that women absorb through everyday experience (Grogan et al., 2013; Tiggemann & Andrew, 2012). And when systems, whether in fashion, workplaces, or institutions are built around limited assumptions about bodies and capacities, they invite constant self‑surveillance and self‑adjustment.

That’s not resilience.

That’s strain.

How can we help?

If you’re feeling exhausted from trying to make yourself fit systems that don’t fit you, you’re not alone. At the 11th hour clinic, we work with individuals and organisations to identify where strain is being misplaced and where redesign, not self‑blame, is needed.

Support starts with being seen.

If you want help unpacking the past, our counselling services can support you. If your focus is on moving forward, coaching may be a better fit. Schedule an appointment today.

References

Frith, H., & Gleeson, K. (2008). Dressing the body: The role of clothing in sustaining body pride and managing body distress. Qualitative Research in Psychology, 5(4), 249–264. https://doi.org/10.1080/14780880802314353

Grogan, S., Gill, S., Brownbridge, K., Kilgariff, S., & Whalley, A. (2013). Dress fit and body image: A thematic analysis of women’s accounts during and after trying on dresses. Body Image, 10(3), 380–388. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2013.03.003

Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Understanding the burnout experience: Recent research and its implications for psychiatry. World Psychiatry, 15(2), 103–111. https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.20311

Tiggemann, M., & Andrew, R. (2012). Clothing choices, weight, and trait self-objectification. Body Image, 9(3), 409–412. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2012.02.002

Tiggemann, M., & Slater, A. (2014). NetGirls: The Internet, Facebook, and body image concern in adolescent girls. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 47(6), 630–643. https://doi.org/10.1002/eat.22254